Much of the work with my clients is directed at their understanding of the importance of introspection and thought monitoring.  By this I don't mean that my clients are supposed to withdraw from the world and spend all their time sitting under a tree like Budda without interacting with other people.  But the sad fact is that many of my clients suffer from crippling levels of anxiety and fear about what may happen to them if they "get a life" and move from simply surviving to thriving.  In other words getting back into the stream of life and enjoying doing things that they might have been afraid to do.  Much of their fear and anxiety is based on their past experiences in which they suffered some trauma that they seemingly cannot forget.  This keeps them stuck in what I call an "emotional foxhole" in which they can't get hurt by anyone but they aren't really free to live and enjoy their life.  One of the acronyms that I find helpful is to remind them that much of what they fear may happen in the future is based on events that happened to them in the past that they are no longer in danger of letting happen again.  Many individuals who as children or adolescents suffered from bullying, abuse, or frequent rejection have unconsciously assumed that they will always be bullied, abused, or rejected whenever they move out of their "foxhole".  However the fact is that as adults they have many more skills and experience than they did as children and they don't have to stand for any more abuse.  It is not the reality of their present situation that they are focused on but rather the unreality of feeling that they are still helpless, unassertive, and unsupported that keep them in the "foxhole".  In short, it is their fear that keeps them stuck. However, when  remind them that they can now as adults, walk away, call 911, learn to be assertive or even aggressive if needs be, it may not be possible in the clients mind to overcome their fear.  If you think of the perceptions of childhood or adolescence when most abuse occurred it was at a time when most of us thought only with our emotions and had not developed our logical ability to see things objectively.  It was a time when a part of our brain, the limbic system, was recording all of the events around us that were associated with being threatened (either physically or socially threatened) and this recording stayed with us for life.  So as a result anything that looked like, sounded like, smelled like, tasted like, or felt to the touch like a threat our limbic system reacted to with either flight, fight, or freezing our bodies.  Yet as children we were prisoners of our emotional perceptions and often took things personally that had nothing whatever to do with us. It was much safer for us as children to believe that "there's something wrong with me" than to begin to ponder whether our parents were the real problem.  Even if our parents were alcoholics and incompetent as parents it was dangerous for us as children to question whether our parents knew what they were doing.  We needed to believe that our parents were competent to be parents and that they knew what to do to take care of us.  Unconsciously as children we knew that we weren't developed enough to be able to fully take care of ourselves and become independent.  So we unconsiously made the decision that we would blame ourselves rather than our parents if our family was dysfunctional. It was too scary to think that our parents were incompetent.  For our own peace of mind as children we had to believe that our parents were God-like figures who knew exactly what they were doing.  If we began to question their competence at too young an age we would simply feel more anxious when we then realized how much at risk we were to be in a family run by very abnormal people who masquaraded as competent reliable parents.  So our learned emotional behavior for many children and later as adults was to live in fear.  The sad truth is that many of Americans, clients or not, live in a constant state of fear and are not even aware of it's impact on their emotional as well as physical lives.  So the next time you find yourself afraid in a situation that you intellectually know is an irrational fear from the past just remember this blog and what FEAR really stands for.

 

Ever ask yourself the question, "What am I thinking and how does it effect me?"   If you haven't asked yourself that question then I would invite you to do so right now.  The reason for my suggestion to begin this self observation is that your thoughts are very powerful and have a great impact on the quality of your life.  As a psychologist I have come to believe that your thoughts play a very large part in not only what you think but also what you feel.   Consider the possibility that every thought you entertain in your mind has an emotion attached to it.  That is pretty obvious when you consider that for example looking at a photo of a loved one will often bring a smile to your face because you experience some form of a positive emotion (ie. joy, happiness, calm, euphoria).  

 

Have you ever played with dominoes as a child?  Did you ever set them up on their ends in rows and topple the first domino just to watch the one next to it fall and cause a chain reaction in a line up of dominoes?  If so then you can imagine that your thoughts are the first domino in a line of dominoes, set up vertically, in a row.  The domino next to thought would be your emotion; so in many cases what you are feeling emotionally is the result of what you are thinking about.

 

The next domino in the chain would be your behavior.  In other words, behavior is an outward expression of your thoughts that trigger a feeling or emotions, that is the source of your movement or behavior.

 

The next and final domino in the chain would be your physiology or bodily functions.  That is to say the way your body feels (tense or calm) and the way it functions (pleasantly or in pain).

 

In effect then your thoughts are the prime controller of your emotions which, taken together, control your behavior, and ultimately effect your health.

 

If I have a client who comes to therapy complaining of anxiety or depression one of the first topics we will discuss after their assessment is the subject of their thought life.  Often clients are unaware of what they have been thinking about and how strongly it effects them.  If, for example, they are thinking about how inadequate or unattractive they are then they will find themselves emotionally responding to these thoughts will very negative emotions of anxiety and/or depression.  Many clients have a very negative view of themselves and have done so for years without ever being aware of how toxic such a habit is their their emotional and physical well-being.

 

To demonstrate this to yourself you may wish to try a small experiment.  I am going to invite you to make a list of your four best moments in your life.  Take your time and think about that subject.  You may list the day you got married, or the day your had your first child, or the day you achieved something that you worked very hard to accomplish.  After you have made your list find a comfortable and quiet time to just look over your list and think about one of these events.  Close your eyes and really let yourself go back in time and remember all the details of the event.  What did you see?  What did you hear?  What did you smell or touch or taste that made this moment so memorable?  Also remember what you were thinking  and feeling about yourself at that moment.  Were you thinking, "This is great! I am so proud of myself for accomplishing this!"  Perhaps you were thinking, "I am so lucky to be here and to be alive."   Whatever your thoughts are notice how strongly they trigger your emotions.

 

You can do this experiment on a regular basis to practice controlling your thoughts, calming your emotions with positive feelings, and giving yourself a brief mental vacation when you want to reboot your attitude. Your attitude is really a combination of your thoughts and feelings.

 

I'd like to share a message from Rev. Charles Stanley about attitudes.  He stated in one of his famous sermons, "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.  It will make or break a company...a church...a home.  The remarkable thing is we have choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude....I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you.  We are in charge of our attitudes."

 

 

Research has shown that one of the most effective ways to treat anxiety is what is called desensitization or exposure therapy.  Simply stated this simply means that you overcome your fear by first of all clarifying what you are afraid of and then design a program with your psychologist to do establish a list of steps to overcome your fear.  For example, let's suppose that you were in a severe car wreck and as a result have a great deal of fear about driving.  This is not an uncommon response.  There is a part of everyone's brain (the limbic system)

 

 

Working with a skilled psychologist can be very helpful with anxiety problems.  In the above case the client was able to drive after about five months of therapy by approaching the problem systematically in small steps.  They first of all simply learned how to relax themselves using deep breathing, biofeedback, and guided imagery. They started by imagining themselves sitting in their car and feeling their anxiety heighten.  Then they used the techniques listed above to reduce their anxiety to a manageable level.  They next moved to actually sitting in their car and again used the techniques to reduce their anxiety to a manageable level.

 

Eventually they step by step overcame their anxiety as their experiences moved them closer and closer to actually driving alone.  It was the slow but deliberate process of exposing themselves to situations that initially frightened them and then learning to relax themselves that was the key to their returning to full functioning as a driver who had the freedom of the road and actually enjoyed taking road trips!

 

This same technique has been proven to be successful for any number of clients who have overcome their fears that resulted from a past trauma (ie. domestic violence, a painful loss, a childhood or adult history of abuse, or a combat related loss).  The basic tenant is that the limbic brain, in trying to prevent a reoccurance of a trauma, can become an impediment that needs to be treated in order to restore the reduction of anxiety as well as the freedom to experience life to the fullest with only a normal level of manageable anxiety.

If you are a new client who has never been to see a mental health professional, the first time that you come to our waiting room it is quite normal to feel a little nervous.  For that reason our office manager, Brenda, takes extra care to make our new clients feel welcome.

 

Brenda has been a mental health professional for more than nine years and she will in all likelihood be the first person that you will meet when you come to the front desk.  She will first of all ask you if you would like a beverage (ie. coffee, soda, or water) while you are filling out your paperwork.  You will need to bring your insurance card if you are going to use health insurance and a drivers license or other form of identification.

 

You will be asked to fill out a basic information form, a short written outline of what to expect in therapy, and a short form that asks you about which of the 90 possible symptoms you are experiencing.  This will take only a few minutes but we ask that you come 15 minutes before your scheduled visit to be sure that you have ample time to fill out these forms. 

 

I will come out to the waiting room to greet you and take you back to my office.  It is a large "sage green" room with comfortable chairs, large floor to ceiling windows that overlook our parking lot.  The first meeting is really a "getting to know you" session in which you get a chance to ask me questions and I will ask you some as well.  I always encourage clients to speak whatever is on their minds and know that whatever their feelings, thoughts or opinions are they are welcome to speak freely in my office.  Psychologists are bound by law to practice strict confidentiality and cannot divulge anything directly to another person without the permission of their client.  This frees up the client to be quite open about whatever is the therapeutic issue that needs to be addressed.

 

The first session or two will be an opportunity for the client to decide if they feel comfortable with the psychologist (if my clients don't feel comfortable I will gladly refer them to another psychologist) and for the psychologist to develop a diagnosis as well as a treatment plan.  Just a physician must make an accurate diagnosis in order to precisely treat a physical disease, so a psychologist has to ask many questions and perhaps do some evaluations in order to diagnose and treat emotional issues as well.  Insurance companies require diagnosis in order for them to pay the psychologist so it is important work that must be done in the first few sessions.

 

Many clients state that after a few sessions they "feel very safe" coming to counseling, also called psychotherapy, and look forward to the opportunity to unload thoughts and feelings that they may not be comfortable sharing anywhere else.  Last week I had one client who stated that she "immediately felt better just walking into our offices" after she had a very stressful day knowing that she could look forward to 50 minutes of time to talk about anything that was bothering her.

 

It may take only a few sessions to achieve the client's goals in counseling or it may be months or even years before they are satisfied with the changes that have taken place in their lives.  In many cases E.A.P. (Employee Assistance Plans) will pay for five or six free visits and that may be all that is required to meet the behavioral changes that are the goals of the client.

 

If you have any questions about counseling or psychotherapy please call the office at 881-1580.