Murrell Counseling Service, LLC
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|Posted on February 2, 2013 at 1:43 PM||comments (5310)|
Ever wonder why you act differently when you are in different situations? For example, let's suppose that you are at a party with close friends and there is allot of laughter; chances are you will feel free to laugh and tease each other much like you might have done as a child. If you are in such a friendly nurturing atmosphere you might say, "I'm free to be myself today." You might find yourself dancing around, making faces, telling jokes and in general having a good time. At the party you might think to yourself, "I feel really happy and excited to be with my friends."
Now contrast these emotions and behavior with what you would probably display at a funeral of a family member or close friend. What is "proper behavior" at a funeral is very different than what would be appropriate normal behavior at a party wouldn't it? At a funeral you would wear formal clothing, allow your sad feelings to be expressed in your emotional expression and behavior. At the funeral you might be thinking, "I am so sorry that this happened; I hate that death has taken my friend that I already miss so much."
In a third setting, let's say that you are at work, you might find your emotions and behavior entirely different than at the two previously mentioned situations. If you are at work then you are expected to do what? Well get to work for one thing. In other words, start using your mind to solve problems and provide a service to your employer. If you are in a "white collar job" then you will likely be asked to sit in an office and solve problems for your employer. If you are in a "blue collar job" then you may be asked to do more physical work. In either case your work setting will expect a focused rational and disciplined effort on your part that engages a very different part of your personality than you would be expressing at a party or funeral. At work you may be thinking, "I've really got to stay focused on this task in order to make this deadline on time. I'm feeling very anxious and tired but I've got to push myself to get this job done." Notice how different your emotions and behaviors are in these three settings.
What we have just discussed is that you are capable of acting in three completely different ways as you adapt to the various expectations of three different situations. Had you been the patient of Freud he would have explained to you that you were engaging different sub-personalities or ego states. The first ego state, at a party setting, would be expressing your very positive emotional needs for happiness and companionship. He referred to this ego state as the "Id". That is the part of your personality that is most concerned with expressing feelings openly and seeking pleasurable activities.
The second ego state, the one displayed when at a funeral, he would have labeled the "Super-Ego". This is a part of your personality that you in effect downloaded in childhood from watching adults behavior in serious situations. It is the sub-personality that contains all of your personal values and beliefs about what is ethical behavior. It is the part of you most concerned with following the rules.
The ego state that you utilize in your work setting Freud called the "ego" or you might think of as your most rational self. It is the part of you most concerned with making good choices and consequences in your thoughts as well as your behavior. This is the part of your personality that you develop only after childhood. You generally do have the developmental capacity to think logically until middle to late adolescence. This means that until you reach the teen-age years, or perhaps even much later, you are not physically or psychologically developed well enough to make good decisions.
In therapy it is the "ego" sub-personality that the psychologist works with to gain better control of your emotions and behavior.
Most of you readers are familiar with the work of Dr. Sigmund Freud who was the founder of Psychoanalysis. Although he died long ago, in 1939 at age 83, his influence was felt for many decades after he published his landmark book, "The Interpretation of Dreams" in 1899. He was a brilliant man born in what is now Czechoslavacia and later established his clinic in Vienna, Austria. Freud's theories about how the mind worked changed the world of mental health treatment treatment. Prior to Freud the predominant psychological theories focused on the study of what was observed to be the ability of the human mind to learn and develop new habit.
What Freud described in his writings, and practiced in his therapy, was a novel approach to understanding the human mind. His view was that all of your thinking was essentially an internal conversation between these three ego states or sub-personalities. He viewed mental health problems as simply a lack of balance between these three parts: the Id, the Ego, and the Super-Ego. He viewed the Ego in healthy personalities as being the most important of the three sub-personalities. A lack of Ego strength in his view led to problems that were manifested in the patient's emotions and behavior. If the Id was the most powerful of the three then the patient would be very impulsive and "act out" in order to satisfy their need for pleasure. The Id does not have the rational capacity to understand or care about the consequences of your behavior. Therefore it can be dangerous to let the Id be the dominant voice in your thoughts. You may here yourself thinking, "I don't care about what happens later; I just want to do this right now!" This can obviously lead to significant behavior problems. When you have an overactive Id have problems with impulse control and often complain being of the negative consequences of their behavior. When asked why you did something because your Id was in control you might find yourself thinking, or even saying out loud, "I just couldn't help myself."
Conversely if your Super-Ego is in control at the moment you will be focused on doing the right thing. If you tend to be a perfectionist you know this experience well. You will find it hard to accept anything less than perfection in your performance. This may be manifested by workaholic behavior or simply the lack of balance between work and play. If you were a client who are referred to me for anxiety issues you would probably have an overactive Super-Ego that doesn't allow you to ever enjoy relaxing. You would be tired, depressed and anxious about your behavior if it fell short of your very best effort. If you are a perfectionist you might hear yourself thinking, "I'm never doing enough. I will just stay at this task until it is perfect." The problem is if you are a perfectionist you think this way about almost every task in your life. Everything becomes a challenge that you feel driven to demonstrate and prove your worth by the high quality of your performance. You would become, what psychologists often call, a "human doing" instead of a "human being." Learning to just "Be in the Moment" and focus on what is happening in the present is very difficult for perfectionists. Mindfulness meditation is a very good practice for perfectionists and you can find articles about this on the Internet.
The difference between high functioning individuals and those who suffer from anxiety or depression is that the high functioning persons have a balance so that each of the ego states is given appropriate expression. For this reason journaling or keeping a diary is a good coping skill. It allows you to read what you are thinking and feeling. This allows you to see what each of your ego states is contributing to your flow of thought. I hope this gives you some useful information about understanding yourself. For more information I recommend the book, Ego States by Drs. Jack & Helen Watkins published by W.W. Norton Books and copyrighted in 1997. This is a growing field within clinical psychologists who practice E.M.D.R. and the two fields of study are often used simultaneously in psychotherapy.
|Posted on August 1, 2012 at 8:15 PM||comments (1714)|
Much of the work with my clients is directed at their understanding of the importance of introspection and thought monitoring. By this I don't mean that my clients are supposed to withdraw from the world and spend all their time sitting under a tree like Budda without interacting with other people. But the sad fact is that many of my clients suffer from crippling levels of anxiety and fear about what may happen to them if they "get a life" and move from simply surviving to thriving. In other words getting back into the stream of life and enjoying doing things that they might have been afraid to do. Much of their fear and anxiety is based on their past experiences in which they suffered some trauma that they seemingly cannot forget. This keeps them stuck in what I call an "emotional foxhole" in which they can't get hurt by anyone but they aren't really free to live and enjoy their life. One of the acronyms that I find helpful is to remind them that much of what they fear may happen in the future is based on events that happened to them in the past that they are no longer in danger of letting happen again. Many individuals who as children or adolescents suffered from bullying, abuse, or frequent rejection have unconsciously assumed that they will always be bullied, abused, or rejected whenever they move out of their "foxhole". However the fact is that as adults they have many more skills and experience than they did as children and they don't have to stand for any more abuse. It is not the reality of their present situation that they are focused on but rather the unreality of feeling that they are still helpless, unassertive, and unsupported that keep them in the "foxhole". In short, it is their fear that keeps them stuck. However, when remind them that they can now as adults, walk away, call 911, learn to be assertive or even aggressive if needs be, it may not be possible in the clients mind to overcome their fear. If you think of the perceptions of childhood or adolescence when most abuse occurred it was at a time when most of us thought only with our emotions and had not developed our logical ability to see things objectively. It was a time when a part of our brain, the limbic system, was recording all of the events around us that were associated with being threatened (either physically or socially threatened) and this recording stayed with us for life. So as a result anything that looked like, sounded like, smelled like, tasted like, or felt to the touch like a threat our limbic system reacted to with either flight, fight, or freezing our bodies. Yet as children we were prisoners of our emotional perceptions and often took things personally that had nothing whatever to do with us. It was much safer for us as children to believe that "there's something wrong with me" than to begin to ponder whether our parents were the real problem. Even if our parents were alcoholics and incompetent as parents it was dangerous for us as children to question whether our parents knew what they were doing. We needed to believe that our parents were competent to be parents and that they knew what to do to take care of us. Unconsciously as children we knew that we weren't developed enough to be able to fully take care of ourselves and become independent. So we unconsiously made the decision that we would blame ourselves rather than our parents if our family was dysfunctional. It was too scary to think that our parents were incompetent. For our own peace of mind as children we had to believe that our parents were God-like figures who knew exactly what they were doing. If we began to question their competence at too young an age we would simply feel more anxious when we then realized how much at risk we were to be in a family run by very abnormal people who masquaraded as competent reliable parents. So our learned emotional behavior for many children and later as adults was to live in fear. The sad truth is that many of Americans, clients or not, live in a constant state of fear and are not even aware of it's impact on their emotional as well as physical lives. So the next time you find yourself afraid in a situation that you intellectually know is an irrational fear from the past just remember this blog and what FEAR really stands for.
|Posted on October 16, 2011 at 11:00 AM||comments (5301)|
|Posted on August 21, 2011 at 11:17 AM||comments (3425)|
Research has shown that one of the most effective ways to treat anxiety is what is called desensitization or exposure therapy. Simply stated this simply means that you overcome your fear by first of all clarifying what you are afraid of and then design a program with your psychologist to do establish a list of steps to overcome your fear. For example, let's suppose that you were in a severe car wreck and as a result have a great deal of fear about driving. This is not an uncommon response. There is a part of everyone's brain (the limbic system)
Working with a skilled psychologist can be very helpful with anxiety problems. In the above case the client was able to drive after about five months of therapy by approaching the problem systematically in small steps. They first of all simply learned how to relax themselves using deep breathing, biofeedback, and guided imagery. They started by imagining themselves sitting in their car and feeling their anxiety heighten. Then they used the techniques listed above to reduce their anxiety to a manageable level. They next moved to actually sitting in their car and again used the techniques to reduce their anxiety to a manageable level.
Eventually they step by step overcame their anxiety as their experiences moved them closer and closer to actually driving alone. It was the slow but deliberate process of exposing themselves to situations that initially frightened them and then learning to relax themselves that was the key to their returning to full functioning as a driver who had the freedom of the road and actually enjoyed taking road trips!
This same technique has been proven to be successful for any number of clients who have overcome their fears that resulted from a past trauma (ie. domestic violence, a painful loss, a childhood or adult history of abuse, or a combat related loss). The basic tenant is that the limbic brain, in trying to prevent a reoccurance of a trauma, can become an impediment that needs to be treated in order to restore the reduction of anxiety as well as the freedom to experience life to the fullest with only a normal level of manageable anxiety.
|Posted on February 9, 2011 at 3:49 PM||comments (3516)|
If you are a new client who has never been to see a mental health professional, the first time that you come to our waiting room it is quite normal to feel a little nervous. For that reason our office manager, Brenda, takes extra care to make our new clients feel welcome.
Brenda has been a mental health professional for more than nine years and she will in all likelihood be the first person that you will meet when you come to the front desk. She will first of all ask you if you would like a beverage (ie. coffee, soda, or water) while you are filling out your paperwork. You will need to bring your insurance card if you are going to use health insurance and a drivers license or other form of identification.
You will be asked to fill out a basic information form, a short written outline of what to expect in therapy, and a short form that asks you about which of the 90 possible symptoms you are experiencing. This will take only a few minutes but we ask that you come 15 minutes before your scheduled visit to be sure that you have ample time to fill out these forms.
I will come out to the waiting room to greet you and take you back to my office. It is a large "sage green" room with comfortable chairs, large floor to ceiling windows that overlook our parking lot. The first meeting is really a "getting to know you" session in which you get a chance to ask me questions and I will ask you some as well. I always encourage clients to speak whatever is on their minds and know that whatever their feelings, thoughts or opinions are they are welcome to speak freely in my office. Psychologists are bound by law to practice strict confidentiality and cannot divulge anything directly to another person without the permission of their client. This frees up the client to be quite open about whatever is the therapeutic issue that needs to be addressed.
The first session or two will be an opportunity for the client to decide if they feel comfortable with the psychologist (if my clients don't feel comfortable I will gladly refer them to another psychologist) and for the psychologist to develop a diagnosis as well as a treatment plan. Just a physician must make an accurate diagnosis in order to precisely treat a physical disease, so a psychologist has to ask many questions and perhaps do some evaluations in order to diagnose and treat emotional issues as well. Insurance companies require diagnosis in order for them to pay the psychologist so it is important work that must be done in the first few sessions.
Many clients state that after a few sessions they "feel very safe" coming to counseling, also called psychotherapy, and look forward to the opportunity to unload thoughts and feelings that they may not be comfortable sharing anywhere else. Last week I had one client who stated that she "immediately felt better just walking into our offices" after she had a very stressful day knowing that she could look forward to 50 minutes of time to talk about anything that was bothering her.
It may take only a few sessions to achieve the client's goals in counseling or it may be months or even years before they are satisfied with the changes that have taken place in their lives. In many cases E.A.P. (Employee Assistance Plans) will pay for five or six free visits and that may be all that is required to meet the behavioral changes that are the goals of the client.
If you have any questions about counseling or psychotherapy please call the office at 881-1580.